It never crossed my mind that a month after watching this tv special, that I would have a freak accident that would result in the loss of my big toe. Now I realize that it's at the low end of the totem pole in the amputee world, but I had been attached to my market piggy for 35 years and it held my flip flops in place very nicely. It was my body part and i'm fairly possessive of what is "mine". Not to mention that there are many judgmental people who feel the need to express their unwanted opinions and thoughts, either through words or stares.
I worked at a mailroom and had no clue that a mishap with a box would cause a part of my body to die. In fact, my foot doctor said he had never had an amputation from this kind of accident. I've always kept my injuries unique and this was no exception. What was supposedly just a fractured toe and broken nail bed was indeed a very serious crushing injury. It escalated in a matter of days and despite the prayers that the hyperbaric chamber would bring life back to my injured toe, it was a bust. There was a lot of drama and gory details from the beginning to the end but I think it would be best to concentrate on the positives.
The miracle though was the calm I have felt through this whole ordeal. I knew, from the moment I looked at my dead looking toe on that Sunday, that it was about to head to the market without me. I'm the ultimate in sweating over the small stuff. My favorite quote from my hospital stay was made from my daughter's dad when he stood at the end of my bed and said, "Rita, you freak out over the smallest things and yet you stay calm over this." That was one of the greatest things he has ever said to me because now when I stress out over the small things, I think of that and it makes me laugh and refocus. Our knowing each other hasn't been the easiest ride and it was the best constructive criticism he could've ever given me.
There are people out there that have lost a lot more than a toe...the week that this was going on with me, a sweet friend of mine lost her sister-in-law to cancer. The victims in Boston lost whole limbs and sweet little Martin Richard that lost his life. In my opinion, it felt tacky and petty to cause such a stink and be anything but strong over this. This is something that I can cover up with a cute pair of shoes or boots for the days when I don't feel like letting the world see my altered foot. This is something that will never come close to the devastating and harsh reality of never being able to talk to your loved one again.
I've never been a believer in the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason". I do believe that this, however, was a terrible mishap that will have good come out of it. Not sure what it will bring down the road but right now it has given me perspective...something that I never really was good at before.
The second night I was in the hospital, I got a "roommate" and long story short, she was on hospice and had no family. She passed away the next day and died alone. The months before my accident, I was going through an emotional valley and felt the need to become a recluse because I wasn't really sure who was my friend and who wasn't. I have received more support over the past month than I ever thought and it made me realize just how very well loved I am. I'm grateful for my family and friends that have stood by my side and helped with my bills since I am unable to work now.
My second roommate was just a nasty individual and i'm glad she was moved but the third roommate..she was so sweet. She was an older woman that had pancreatic cancer and no insurance...HIPPAA really failed when it comes to semi-private rooms but that's a different blog all together. They kept her for 24 hours then released her with pain medication. We all know that unless a miracle from God happens, that story isn't going to end well. I feel grateful that my medical bills are covered or I would've lost a lot more than a toe.
I have a beautiful and happy daughter, an awesome family, fantastic friends, and that is what is important to me. Sure I will no longer wear flip flops or thong sandals but that is just a want that I will learn to adjust to. I could never adjust to not having the important things in life.
So here I am....starting a blog and letting my world and thoughts on the world wide web. This first post was a little gloomy and I will not be making a point of that. The world is going crazy and I hope to encourage and give hope where there doesn't seem to be hope.